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Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. I let myself start with illusion (colloquially known as the best school of magic) and then gave myself some time off after the whole mental breakdown after conversion thing. Well then, I guess I’ll move on with my least favorite school of magic… evocation.
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. We have spent eons attempting to ascertain the deepest rules of the cosmos. With our hard-won knowledge, we have ascended to the heights of arcane power, conquered death, and swindled countless adventurers who couldn’t cast the identify spell. Every now and then, we wake up, and… everything is a little …
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. People who gravitate toward illusions are the biggest jerks in the wide world of wizardry. On a related note, we love illusions! Some spells kill, others save, but a properly wielded illusion causes a crippling existential crisis!
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. I think it’s time we started sharing our magical secrets. Well, as we’ll get to here in a second, one wizard’s awe-inspiring power is another’s migraine waiting to happen. I’ll tackle each school of magic separately in coming pages, but first, let’s explain our general approach to spellcasting.
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. We are fond of saying that on a long-enough timeline the seemingly impossible becomes merely implausible. This means we occasionally get gloriously blindsided with something we are woefully unprepared for. However, there are also circumstances making those moments seem simple by comparison. Today, we are going to briefly touch on …
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. Last time we touched on the first half of foreshadowing, which is making sure you establish at least the smallest hint of how amazing you are. This is important because it grants your appearance the appropriate gravitas. It’s also always really funny making fighters stain their mithral full plate with …
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. Let’s say you’ve put time and effort into erecting the perfect deathtrap. The protagonists run through your maze of horrors like well-armed rats, finding you within the center. You let loose a villainous laugh and throw the big switch on a gigantic technomagical gizmo with tons of cool special effects. …
Dear Master, This is Ivlysse. A thousand and one apologies for this woeful invasion of privacy. Ivlysse wishes his master to know the many clever defenses and ruses surrounding his most unhallowed thoughts, displaying despicable creativity and humorous irony. Master has truly outdone himself!
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. What’s the first thing every wannabe dark lord does? Why, amass themselves a big ole nightmare army. Today we are going to talk about why they are stupid.
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. Our first attempt at a dungeon was a total cringeworthy disaster. I remember we were going for high-concept, double-“ironic” situations and social commentary. There’d be a fight against a hill giant, and then in the next room, his family held up signs saying, “Where’s my daddy?” and “Who is the …
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. We’ve gotten surprisingly comfortable in our role as proprietor of the Red Door Market. (Bemmea’s best magic items supplier for the burglar on a budget!) However, the whole reason for this diary is that we’ll inevitably return to our first and greatest love. Even now, we find it difficult to …
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. We like to joke, but being an awesome antagonist is a big responsibility. You are always going to be vastly more powerful than the burglars wandering into your villainous clutches. You can’t only entertain yourself. You have to think about what’s going to be enjoyable for the dopey meatsacks too. …
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. After thousands of years of careful study and experimentation, we’ve come to the conclusion that magic is insane. Don’t get me wrong, it’s better than swinging a sword around, and if it wasn’t for magic, we wouldn’t be the lich we are today (literally). That in no way makes it …
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. We once gave serious consideration to godhood. I think we were rare because we didn’t assume it was amazing. Unfortunately, most (un)holy books are propaganda puff pieces, so we went more direct to the sources. Basically, we murdered an awful lot of outsiders to learn a few vital secrets. Oh, …
Dear Osvaud, This is Osvaud. After thousands of years of murdering teams of well-outfitted adventurers, we’ve amassed quite the stockpile of junk. I am pretty sure we’ve got a closet somewhere so precariously stacked with portable holes and bags of holding that it unintentionally qualifies as a magical trap. At this point, anything we stumble …
Dear Ivlysse, This is Osvaud. As my imp familiar, you are the only individual other than myself even remotely likely to ever read my diary. So I wanted to set aside this personal heartfelt message for you. Every young apprentice must decide if he or she is going to permanently invest arcane power into a …
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