Your Whispering Homunculus

Evocative Words—Part One “Reading, master?” “Silence maggot, or I’ll have you flensed. I’m too busy consuming Mugwort’s Tome of Evocative Words to communicate with you in any way. Now go and put some more lard on the cat’s boil. Her yowling is irritating me.” Words, beautiful, lovely words. Each paints a glorious picture, and though […]

Unusual Attire—Part Two “You’ve changed your mind, master… it is master isn’t it?” “Of course it is. Now tighten my corset, tie up this blouse, and help me put my tiara on or I’ll be late.” Continuing our look at unusual attire, we come to the ladies…

Unusual Attire “Interesting attire you’ve chosen for this evening’s ball, master.” “I see nothing unusual about it. Noteworthy definitely; unusual no.” Well, my thinking is—if he’s going dressed as an evil apocalyptic duck, I wonder what the other guests will come as? Nothing is more important than making a first impression, they say. Well tonight’s

Filletess Crab’s Slaughterhouse and Undertaking Emporium, Part Two Curious locales are quirky locations for GMs to drop into their campaigns. Free of class and level, they can be used in any fantasy RPG system. They consist of a single locale with a colorful description, characters and relationships, and ideas for adventures and using them in

Curious Locales—Filletess Honeysuckle Crab’s Slaughterhouse and Undertaking Emporium “Master!” “What is it now, slug?” “Look, I’ve found a property for sale in the Citystate Gazetteer. It sounds ideal for a summer retreat: quirky, cheap but in need of a major fumigation, let me read it to you…” Curious locales are quirky locations for GMs to

d12 Table Time, Part Two “Pass the port and owlbear cheese, insect. I’m feeling peckish.” Continuing our dubiously useful collection of d12 tables, we start with a quick set of strange coincidences… 

d12 Table Time “Master, you’ve been in there an awful long time, are you alright?” “Of course I am, and stop interrupting me. I’m just studying volume XXXII of Barn’s Almanac of Dubiously Useful Random Tables, using only the twelve-sided dice. Now, if you haven’t got anything better to do, go away and rebuild that

As a sister to our previous articles Treasures of the Pharaohs and Treasures of the Rajahs, we humbly present for your delectation this article, which itemizes a few trinkets of unusual treasure from the fabled Southlands Campaign Setting. You can use these treasures to spice up troves of well-traveled wizard, bard, or other collectors. No

“Well?” “Well, what, your domeness?” “You’re covered in dust—explain.” “Ah, the dust. Yes, well, I was under the Great Stair and—” “You are not to go under-stairs, ever. You’ve only been briefly in my employ and would do well to remember the last homunculus that pried too deeply into my affairs and property.” “Yes, master.

All Smile, Part Three “Gah! He’s left one of those irksome snowmen outside, curse the man.” “No master, I’m afraid that snowman is your Uncle Flobb.” And so we come to the end of our suggested seasonal get-togethers. One final pair of events that may get everyone together in an uneasy way…

All Smiles, Part Two “Is he still there?” “Yes, master. Ah, you’ve changed your mind and are going to let him in from the cold? Kind master.” “Not at all. I want to drink this brandy and eat this cake from the window where he can see me whilst he shivers outside.” Continuing our dark

All Smiles, Part One “He’s still out there master.” “Good.” “But master, your great uncle Flobb is turning blue.” “Let him. I never liked the man.” “But master, it is the season of goodwill. Surely, you have some kindness in your bones at this, the happiest time of the year.” “Nope.”  This is the season

Everything has meaning some say, and in a world of suspicion and magic and portents that come true, these curious signs must assume great importance to some; particularly to those that have little else to grasp onto except toil and woe.  Here are fifty such beliefs, customs and warning signs from the gods, together with

“‘Tis a dark night, Master, and full of evil portents. I saw three toads heading toward the crescent moon as night fell, and we all know what that means. For days now the air has been alive with buzzards, midges, and the distant singing of one-armed mummers. Only last week a piglet with three faces

“What’s that unpleasant smell?” “Which one, your unbeautifulness?” “That strangely sweet, smoky one.” “Ah, incense, your massiveness. I’ve just found a box of uncatalogued goods from your trip to the lands of the rajahs.” “Well, be careful. Those things can be dangerous. Now, help me adjust my sock gaiter.”  As a companion-piece to Treasures of the