Unusual Attire—Part Two

“You’ve changed your mind, master… it is master isn’t it?”
“Of course it is. Now tighten my corset, tie up this blouse, and help me put my tiara on or I’ll be late.”

Continuing our look at unusual attire, we come to the ladies…

Female Attire

1. She’s dressed as some sort of pantomime giant slug
2. She wears a gown of cunning and beautiful silks, held together with a hangman’s noose
3. It appears she’s wearing a gown made from giant spider’s legs
4. She’s wrapped in a blanket and has tied grass about her feet
5. She wears a gown made of rats’ tails
6. The buttons on her bodice are made of glass eyes
7. Her crimson corset is woven with pigtails of human hair
8. She wears a shawl made of sewn wolf pelts
9. She is wearing a velvet jacket set with hundreds of dead flower-heads
10. Her scarf is woven with images of you
11. She wears a brown knitted coverall that conceals every inch of her flesh
12. She wears a beautiful lace dress within which are scenes of people being eaten alive by giants
13. Her gown is a storm of long living rags that dance in an unseen gale
14. She’s dressed from head to toe in yellow
15. Her skirt is made of leaves and her gown of bark
16. Upon her shoulder are a trio of dead magpies, whilst her huge hat is made from a pelican
17. Her travellers’ witzchoura is partially composed of sewn bear paws and is bound by a rope made of sinews
18. Her magnificent purple dress is over twenty feet in length
19. There’s a bird nest in her hat
20. She’s dressed as a rook
21. She wears a mask depicting an appallingly disfigured female face
22. She wears a wedding dress behind which trail scores of inflated pigs bladders
23. She wears a tight-fitting steel breastplate arrayed with spikes and pictures of hedgehogs
24. She’s covered in the hide of a giant porcupine
25. Her frock is woven with depictions of a besieged city full of people starving to death
26. Though all her other clothing is incredibly bright, her headscarf is black and hung with dead squirrels
27. She wears a dress made from sewn pigs
28. She wears a gown made of sewn sheep, including their heads
29. Her sari is made up of a confusing mass of oranges, yellows and purples that somehow seem to swirl giddily
30. She’s naked but completely covered in henna tattoos
31. Her overfrock is soiled with hundreds of bloody chicken claw prints
32. A false halo hangs above her head, and her garb is made of silver
33. Her abaya is made up of long dark human hair and black silks
34. She wears a nun’s habit cunningly woven into which are runes and representations of stylized monstrosities
35. She has painted herself violet and wears only a loincloth and oily wrap about her chest
36. She has a black veil and her face is wrapped in black silk, her whole body is swathed in black cloth
37. Her cloak is set with thousands of mother-of-pearl moons
38. She appears to be dressed as a unicorn
39. She wears a green gown and has a hat that resembles a crooked church steeple
40. She wears a very fine riding coat hanging from the back of which is a bloody fox tail
41. She wears a blue wedding dress and an executioner’s hood
42. She’s dressed from head to toe in leather—so much in fact that you can only tell she’s a she by her outline
43. Her mantle appears to be made from a cloaker skin with the head still intact and a large wax apple in its mouth
44. Hat pins stick through her enormous gray wig, which becomes part of her curiously web-like clothes
45. She’s wearing a bed gown
46. Her badger stole keeps opening its mouth
47. Hanging from her scruffy clothes by rope are scores of glass bottles
48. Her lace shawl seems to have something crawling below it
49. She wears a cork crown
50. She wears an apron in the pockets of which are a dozen rats

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For more of Pett’s perilous puns and collected oddities from Your Whispering Homunculus, check out the collected Your Whispering Homunculus and More Whispering Homunculus.