gift“What’s that unpleasant smell?”

“Which one, your unbeautifulness?”

“That strangely sweet, smoky one.”

“Ah, incense, your massiveness. I’ve just found a box of uncatalogued goods from your trip to the lands of the rajahs.”

“Well, be careful. Those things can be dangerous. Now, help me adjust my sock gaiter.”

 As a companion-piece to Treasures of the Pharaohs, we humbly provide for your use a list of treasures that originate in the land of the rajahs—the home of rakshasa and other diabolic beasts and perils. These objects might appear in the collection of a well-traveled bard or wizard, might be of use to you in a campaign set on such shores, or might simply be curios amongst other treasure hordes…

 

  1. Your Whispering HomunculusA buff sandstone and silver inlaid stele with a picture of a meditating figure with four heads, three of which are bestial and eating the human one
  2. A set of carved wood and copper figures with 20 soldiers and a rajah aboard a chariot pulled by tigers
  3. Carved rosewood table depicting half-men, half-rhinos whipping peasants into an oven
  4. Eight-foot-high, brass elephant on wheels, its eyes stylized to appear like peacock feathers inlaid with jewels; trapped within its stomach are three mummified women, they have clearly died inside the belly of the object
  5. Ebony carved walking cane with tiger head; the head has a hidden jaw with space within to hold a potion vial or scroll, the interior hinge is fashioned from a preserved human finger
  6. Carved, wooden figure of a rhinoceros, within which is a whole, dead spider monkey corpse embalmed with lucky prayer flags and incense
  7. Ivory and silver inlaid page turner bound in monkey skin, the hair of which is still ghoulishly intact
  8. Large copper spice container carved with cavorting distended burning witch figures
  9. Large incense burner depicting an apocalyptic scene as a palace and surrounding town is leveled by an earthquake and fire; dancing tiger-headed demons laugh and dance and whip the dying locals
  10. Matching pair of large, metal water pots with ruby and lapis stoppers; the handles are made of flensed human skin
  11. Large, carved ivory fan handle depicting peasants being boiled alive by rakshasa
  12. Wooden teapot with brass and wood inlays with a handle made from a vitrified monkey hand
  13. Man’s hair ring made from the lips of a small-mouthed monkey
  14. Large, copper water pot, inlaid with scores of wedding rings
  15. Copper cooking pot edged with polished bones set within which are human teeth
  16. Cow mask with long horns, elaborately carved with images of bullfights and men being trampled to death by bulls with blades around their hooves
  17. Iron, silver, and bone betel nut cutter, shaped like a pinching claw
  18. Pair of silver and gold camel leg bracelets carved with figurines being subjected to water tortures
  19. Portable bamboo tea churn with silver rim enclosed in the desiccated and bound arms of one hundred and seventeen baboons
  20. Brass and silver betel box, shaped like a human brain
  21. Embalmed tortoise with shell, set with precious gems and bands of metal within which, in a rosewood box, is a dried human heart
  22. Metal four-armed deity figure tearing apart tigers with its bare hands
  23. Betel pounder made from monkey thigh and bound in naga skin with silver pounder designed like a scowling fat human figure
  24. Matching pair of raging tiger head wooden wall hangings, which have an alarming habit of leaking blood from their mouths overnight
  25. A life-size metal and wood and flesh displaying peacock figure with preserved human head in place of its own

TO BE CONTINUED..!

For more of Pett’s perilous puns and collected oddities from Your Whispering Homunculus, check out More Whispering Homunculus.

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