Unusual Attire

“Interesting attire you’ve chosen for this evening’s ball, master.”
“I see nothing unusual about it. Noteworthy definitely; unusual no.”
Well, my thinking is—if he’s going dressed as an evil apocalyptic duck, I wonder what the other guests will come as?

Nothing is more important than making a first impression, they say. Well tonight’s YWH certainly aims for that. Dress your NPCs up in some of these costumes, and the questions are bound to begin quickly. Have fun deciding just why the NPCs dress as they do, and you may find a story developing.

For the sake of equality, the attire is divided into the rather mundane charts of male and female, but you may want to mix things up a bit. That’s up to you—it’s your campaign, after all.  

Male Attire

1. He’s dressed entirely in black except for the peacock feathers
2. It’s impossible to detect any other color than gray in this man’s dress
3. The man is dressed in colourful rags of various hues
4. He’s dressed from head to toe in dark leather, burnished metal, and orange moons
5. He’s dressed as a human-sized shark
6. Dressed normally, he has an enormous papier-mâché head
7. His attire is sullen, but his jaunty hat is very bright indeed and ringing with heavenly bodies made of copper that somehow move
8. The man is naked apart from deep red oil on his flesh and mittens upon his hands
9. His attire is made entirely of wood
10. His attire is made entirely of tin
11. He wears a walrus skin that conceals everything about his attire below
12. For some reason, the ordinary attired man has a second fake head that looks like an alligator
13. He’s dressed as a knight but rides a tiny hobbyhorse
14. He’s dressed in sundry shades of green, cunningly woven into which are green moose figurines
15. His entire body is enveloped in a vast beard below which he seems to be entirely naked
16. He’s made an ochre jelly costume he wears with overt pride and self-satisfaction
17. He wears a false fish costume
18. He’s bound tightly in rope from head to toe
19. He’s dressed entirely in moss and twigs
20. The man does not wear any clothes but is painted magenta from head to toe
21. He proudly wears a black wedding dress
22. Sewn into the outside of his leather poacher’s coat are hundreds of dead moles
23. His pointy hat is so tall and pointy that a kite flies above to keep it from falling
24. He is wreathed entirely in dried grasses and preserved flower heads
25. He’s covered in a bodice decorated with all sorts of shellfish with a particular fixation on whelks.
26. He wears a silk waistcoat with buttons made from the digits of monkey fingers
27. His jacket is set with countless onyx gargoyles, all of which are smiling very widely indeed
28. He wears a most bizarre ruff made from chicken bones and white steel needles
29. His cod-piece is shaped like an enormous nose and his attire has subtle noses woven into its dark recesses
30. His huge turban has smoke rising from its top
31. His boots have curled toes ending in smiling goblin faces, the rest of his attire is quite dull
32. He wanders past on stilts, his attire designed to make him look ten feet tall
33. A dozen pole cats have been stuffed and woven into his elaborate hunting cloak
34. His stockings have carp, turbots and other fish depicted on them, yet his attire is that of a blacksmith
35. His clogs make an echoing noise as he moves that sounds like approaching thunder
36. He is entirely naked except for his coarse sandals
37. He seems to be wearing a bridle and saddle
38. His kilt is accentuated by half a dozen dried tentacles that hang from his sporran
39. He seems to be wearing some sort of fake metal pig atop of his already jaunty hat. The rest of him is quite plain
40. He wears a very long black cloak which trails several yards behind him and into which are sewn dozens of wind-chimes and bells
41. He’s dressed as a swan, but a very mangy swan
42. He is smartly dressed, but has the most enormous towering hat, atop of which clings a small monkey
43. His massive belt is hung with a hundred iron chains
44. His breeches are soaked in oil and have oily cormorant heads hung from them
45. He wears a poncho made out of sewn parts of various rodents
46. He wears a straw mino into which are set a dozen dragon faces and more than double that number of snake skulls
47. He wears a military jacket set with at least a hundred medals
48. His magnificent greatcoat is festooned with pearl buttons, obsidian inlays and a single monkey paw clasp
49. He wears a baldric depicting him slaying the Tarrasque with a potato peeler
50. He wears very scanty breeks despite the weather

…TO BE CONTINUED!

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For more of Pett’s perilous puns and collected oddities from Your Whispering Homunculus, check out the collected Your Whispering Homunculus and More Whispering Homunculus.