Home / Delve into the Depths in the Kobold Blog / Your Whispering Homunculus: 100 Pointless Objects

Your Whispering Homunculus: 100 Pointless Objects

Your Whispering Homunculus: 100 Pointless Objects

Your Whispering HomunculusMaster Pett’s Your Whispering Homunculus presents only the finest in British gaming. Indeed, you are not likely to find a more comprehensive assortment of miscellany anywhere.

(So much more than just another bloke in a dress.)



“Flotsam, jetsam. Do you know their true names, underslug?”

“You, lord and master are the brains.”

“Indeed I am, and don’t ever forget it. Don’t think I don’t know that you’ve been fiddling with my spellbooks, the spell magic jar in fact. Do not consider it leastlet.”

“Never master, I prostrate myself at your bare toes and rub my worthless nostrils upon them.”

“Flotsam, vileness, is floating wreckage, and jetsam is goods thrown overboard to lighten a ship. It raises an interesting point about treasure.”

“Treasure, your pointed-hattedness?”

“Yes, treasure. I sit in my study surrounded by a vast array of outré objects, yet almost all are of no value. In describing my chamber, slimeness, would we ignore these things—are adventurers only interested in treasure, or do the decorations maketh the chamber?”

Not everything in the dungeon can be converted into gold, silver, and copper. Throwing in the odd curiosity can help make a place seem more real, and as a consequence, more intriguing. A demented bugbear who has a chamber of bloody axes is one thing; a demented bugbear who has a chamber of hollowed out human hands and thousands of sewing needles is quite another…

Here, then, is a collection of pointless or strange objects to pique a PC’s interest. They may be simply window dressing for your treasure troves, or they may be more. Perhaps that bent needle is a clue to a treasure trove hidden in the chamber for centuries and unopened even by its present occupier, whose clumsy attempts to pick the lock belie its amazing construction. What weird objects might lie within?

  1. Bent hatpin, 6 in. long
  2. Giant wig made of wolverine pelts
  3. Hat of preserved swan heads
  4. Dead stoat in a cage
  5. Finger bone labeled “the Finger of Saint Rof”
  6. Goblin writing covered in blood
  7. Graffiti describing a 12-headed horror that lurks nearby
  8. Harpsichord riddled with woodworm
  9. Wizard’s hat with the word wizamo sewn into it
  10. Stuffed cockatrice
  11. Barrel with knives thrust into its sides
  12. Spiked club with so many nails hammered through it that it is useless as a weapon
  13. Titan’s helm used as a nest by hundreds of mice
  14. Lice-covered wolverine pelt
  15. Hourglass without sand in it
  16. Trio of life-sized brass cockerels
  17. Giant’s belt with a buckle made from a cartwheel
  18. Brazier filled with moss
  19. Perfectly spherical stone, 1 ft. across
  20. Sack of carved wooden children’s farmyard animals
  21. Longsword bent into a knot
  22. Jar of pickled raven heads
  23. Troll-tusk tankard
  24. Section of giant-sized meat hooks
  25. Displayed suit of full plate armor rusted completely
  26. Display case of mounted stirge feathers
  27. Small collection of glove puppet mites complete with gaudy costumes
  28. Bottle filled with green slime labeled “danger, bottle contains green slime”
  29. Pile of 16 rusted sledge hammer heads
  30. Amphora filled with dried grass and leaves
  31. Huge, rusted, sprung mousetrap holding a dead dire mouse
  32. Fake leather snake
  33. Wooden sign saying “danger, do not enter” lying on the floor
  34. Bell jar filled with troglodyte eyes
  35. An elaborate brass bound door with horrendously deep scratches on one side
  36. The book Know Your Darkmantles
  37. Collection of 12 decreasingly sized wagon wheels in a pile
  38. Fake red bushy beard for a large humanoid
  39. Hollowed mammoth foot holder with eight gnarled, small-sized walking sticks with bat handles
  40. Selection of red hats
  41. Bucket of fake theatrical snow made of cotton
  42. Rhino-head mask
  43. Leather purse filled with rotten teeth
  44. Six empty beehives
  45. Corked bottle containing 100-year-old water
  46. Windmill sail
  47. Life-sized carved wooden aboleth
  48. Barrel of acorns
  49. Rhemoraz-tooth necklace
  50. Barrel of melted wax
  51. Puppet bugbear
  52. Foldable 10-ft. pole
  53. Jar of pickled kobold hands
  54. Metal breastplate with an enormous bite taken out of it
  55. Scattered set of rusty thieves’ tools with blood stains
  56. Coracle sized for a tiny passenger
  57. Completely flat metal snuff box with an ape motif
  58. 20 mirror frames without mirror glass
  59. A 6-ft.-high decorated urn depicting flocking stirges
  60. Selection of small rusty kitchen utensils with a thistle-headed crest
  61. Anchor designed like an enraged kraken
  62. Large gorgon jug
  63. Set of brass poultry chess pieces
  64. A drawer-less cabinet
  65. Bucket of enormous rusty keys
  66. Collection of toy clay gnolls
  67. Set of fake wooden teeth
  68. Cake mold in the shape of a starfish
  69. A stuffed sloth
  70. Pile of spellbook covers without pages
  71. Model galley made of chicken bones
  72. Broken cider press
  73. Set of chimney cleaning brushes labeled with names
  74. The ashes of Imply Smithy of Fen on the Fen, in a simple labeled pot
  75. Fisherman’s net with a gigantic hole in it
  76. Trio of choker-hand candlesticks
  77. Polished cloak stand with griffon-head hooks
  78. Sack of blunted meat cleavers
  79. Belt of kitten tails
  80. An enormous gnawed bone with huge teeth marks in it
  81. Sign saying “beware pit”
  82. Jar of crimson ink
  83. A knitted octopus
  84. Set of fake wooden theatrical maces, axes, and morning stars
  85. Ruler with an unfathomable, seemingly random measuring system
  86. A double-ended lance
  87. Carved yew ewe with a devil face
  88. Great helm with 11 curved horns
  89. Completely flat, dead mummified rust monster
  90. Selection of stirge proboscis quills
  91. Mattock head attached to an 18-ft.-long handle
  92. Tossing caber
  93. A dozen richly decorated javelin shafts
  94. High leather boot with a rotting foot still in it
  95. Penny whistle without holes
  96. Stylized roper candelabrum
  97. Mirror designed like a gaping whale
  98. Fake wooden shark fin
  99. Half-eaten disguise kit
  100. Single enormous right boot

15 thoughts on “Your Whispering Homunculus: 100 Pointless Objects”

  1. I love this list! Why are not more games riddled with this kind of detail? It gives the occupants much more flavor and interest than random amounts of valuables. I am going to put this list in a database and expand upon it for my random treasure generator.

  2. Sounds like my house.

    Which begs the question: Why are RPG lairs always so much more neat, orderly, and junk-free than the average home in the real world . . . .

  3. The dungeon dressing lists from the AD&D DMG are some of my favorite tables for just this reason.

    People are messy. Orcs should should extra messy…

  4. “Never master, I prostrate myself at your bare toes and rub my worthless nostrils upon them.”

    The above phrase is one of the best things I’ve read in a long time. Always love this article, it’s priceless.

  5. Huzzah!

    Like Wolfgang, my favourite part of AD&D was the original DMG lists which were awesome. That these homages are still popular is thanks to the wonderful Mr Gygax and his inspiration.


  6. There’s good stuff here:

    19.Perfectly spherical stone, 1 ft. across – Form for planishing copper bowls.

    29.Pile of 16 rusted sledge hammer heads – too thick to rust through, these are good pre-forms for big axes and a good source of steel in general.

    35.An elaborate brass bound door with horrendously deep scratches on one side – Aged hardwood for handles and brass for fittings.

    53.Jar of pickled kobold hands – OK, somebody is just looking for trouble…

    54.Metal breastplate with an enormous bite taken out of it – lots of good metal left.

    78.Sack of blunted meat cleavers – can be un-blunted or re-purposed.

    90.Selection of stirge proboscis quills – javelin tips.

    93.A dozen richly decorated javelin shafts – see #90 above.

    94.High leather boot with a rotting foot still in it – adventurer’s air freshener to hang from the rear view on the horse cart.

  7. Materials for some improvised Scooby Doo traps :) how much damage would a bucket of rusting keys do when dropped off a ledge on enemies? :)

  8. Ha! Splendid inventiveness chaps – so next time, I need to make them really useless:)

    Plus a gold star for mentioning Scooby Doo Dagalk.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Join the Kobold Courier and Earn Loot!

Stay informed with the newest Kobold Press news and updates delivered to your inbox weekly. Join now and receive a PDF copy of Caverns of the Spore Lord

Join The Kobold Courier


Be like Swolbold. Stay up to date with the newest Kobold Press news and updates delivered to your inbox twice a month.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This
Scroll to Top