Your Whispering HomunculusMaster Pett’s Your Whispering Homunculus presents only the finest in British gaming. Indeed, you are not likely to find a more comprehensive assortment of miscellany anywhere. (So much more than just another bloke in a dress.)

“Toadlet! Lumpling! Grotbag! Curses, where is that damnable creature? Ah, there you are—where the devil have you been lurking?”

“Well, Mistr—er Master, I’ve been examining your admirable—possibly unrivalled—collection of dodecahedrons of many sizes, all marked one to twelve. What can such an obscure object be used for?”

“Many things, insect, many things. Now hold this turnip while I get my selection of knives. I have only an hour to carve a likeness of Saint Cherubim juggling his holy hedgehogs before the archbishop arrives—and he can be difficult if he doesn’t get his seasonal goodwill gift…”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Those who know the—ahem—Your Whispering Homunculus collections (available from the Kobold Press website as well as all reputable dealers in outré objects), know that the humble d12 gets altogether more attention in its pages than is healthy, and while there seems little reason to select it most of the time we—rather like favoring a runty puppy—use any excuse to rattle the dice bag and bring her out again.

So here’s another quick reason to get it out in public…

Twelve Second-in-Command Brooding Gnoll Under-Matriarchs

  1. Prattling Hessa (CE female gnoll ranger 3/rogue 5) and her beloved camel Stompslappy
  2. Two-Faced Jubri (CN female gnoll wereboar alchemist 4)
  3. Ambitious Lady Mugjubb (NE female gnoll aristocrat 2/rogue 3/fighter 4) and her hyena puppy Xerxes the Strangely Ochre
  4. Shifty Sell, Mistress of Whispers (CN female gnoll inquisitor 6)
  5. Dangerous Ulstradh (CE female gnoll wererat alchemist 4/barbarian 2)
  6. Ruthless Lood (CE female gnoll ranger 3/illusionist 7)
  7. Friendly Yecht, the Smiling Doom of the Dark (NE female gnoll vampire magus 7)
  8. The Laughing Under-One (NE female gnoll bard 2/swashbuckler 4), second only to her Grace Queen Hysteria
  9. Bashe (CE female gnoll aristocrat 2/fighter 5)
  10. The Impatient One (CE female gnoll slayer 6/sorcerer 2)
  11. Giggling Lok-Stohl, the Princess of Naughtiness and Hunting with Flaming Pigs (CE female gnoll ranger 6)
  12. Broody Pemma, Chieftainess-in-Waiting (NE female gnoll bard 5/assassin 3)

A Dozen Fantasy Pies

  1. Owlbear and Leek
  2. Dire-Crocodile and Turbot in Parsley Sauce
  3. Stirge and Kidney
  4. Raised Pie of Veal and Darkmantle
  5. Pig’s Face and Assassin Vine Berry
  6. Pigeon and Stirge Egg
  7. Lark and Rust Monster Flanks
  8. Baked Rabbit and Boiled Mandragora
  9. Braised Leshy
  10. Broiled Giant Frog Leg
  11. Hodge Podge and Honeyed Ochre Jelly Pie
  12. Sweet Choker-Feet Pie

Twelve Repulsive Princesses

  1. Daddy’s little Princess Henrietta Sludge, the often-called Princess-who-can’t-use-a-fork
  2. Her Grace Princess No-Plum-Pudding and her beloved poodle Gronda
  3. Homely Hetty, the would-be Queen of Frankly-Few-Folk’s Hearts
  4. Poxy Lucy, the Lady in Veils
  5. Princess Ladrina of Grobb, the so-called Princess of Unseemly Tempers
  6. Rotund Muriel
  7. Slopey Lady Qaig, the Princess of Sows and Boars
  8. Snappy Princess Tule and her inseparable companion-whippet Mucky Nudge
  9. Spoilt Elisa, Princess of Tass
  10. Two-Headed Princess Ruglida
  11. Unattractive Lucie, Princess of Marzipan and Chokolat
  12. Unpleasing Princess Mebby

A Dozen Objects Found in Room Corners

  1. A mummified mouse, squashed in the imprint of a xorn foot
  2. A gold piece that has been bitten in half
  3. A false fisheye
  4. Two embracing dead ratfolk
  5. A half-drained potion bottle
  6. A carved wooden kobold puppet head
  7. A dead bee swarm
  8. A carved ivory walrus cane handle attached to a cane that has been bitten in two
  9. A tin medal commemorating the Four-Minute-Battle of Badwell Hill
  10. A wooden snuff-box containing three sets of frog’s lips
  11. A troll nose
  12. Three divine brass and topiary duck incense holders

12 Not-So-Cute Baby Beasties

  1. Snotgrowl, the goblin-dog puppy, chewing on a humanoid hand
  2. Nippy Jodge, the dire ferret kit
  3. A wicker basketful of albino owlbear chicks
  4. A dire crocodile hatchling the size of a small boat
  5. A girallon baby, pulling apart an iron chest
  6. A catoblepas calf named Damnation the Coming Apocalypse
  7. A medusa baby wrapped in swaddling clothes
  8. An ochre jellylet in a jam-jar
  9. A lurking group of juvenile giant slugs
  10. A nightmare foal
  11. A sack of assassin vine seeds
  12. A zombie baby

Twelve Failed Heroes

  1. Barmy Sleth
  2. Blind Allum
  3. Buddry Blade—the Hopping Dervish
  4. Dead Minkum, the Former Scourge of Elder Earth Elementals
  5. Lazy Cridge, Lord of Probably Tomorrow
  6. Lethie Milletie, the so-called dark Queen of Flail Snail Slaughter
  7. Lord Futhry Blower—Slayer of Topiary Horrors
  8. Quinton Froth—Prince of Humps
  9. Stay-at-Home-Zamo, the Wizard-with-No-Wish-to-Travel
  10. Take-extra-care Corroth, the Cautious Cavalier
  11. The Deadly Rumfelt, Bane of Puddings
  12. Uncertain Rosie, Slayer of Fire Beetles

A Strange Dozen Peculiar Festive Decorations

  1. A shrunken monkey head, its ears painted with silver paint and wrapped in holly, with a large red apple stuffed in its mouth
  2. A 10-foot-high wicker statue of Father Beltane, the Green Man of Winter’s Long Day, wearing his green smock and enormous black boots, stomping on a catoblepas
  3. A festive marzipan mountain decorated with realistic troll figures juggling flaming puppies
  4. A fancy windmill with seven sails, each one of which has a severed goblin head painted to look like a grotesque clown
  5. A life-sized carved snowman with two faces: one smiling, one screaming
  6. A dead strige pierced and covered in thousands of cloves, waving a painted silver star
  7. Three smiling dead giant bat heads garlanded with holly and mistletoe
  8. A hamperful of rats, wrapped with a big purple ribbon
  9. Two gold painted bells with shrunken gnome head clappers
  10. A sledge wrapped in red ribbons with two brass lanterns in the shape of singing grinning devils
  11. A wreath made of holly, gold wire, and monkey’s skeletal fingers
  12. A frozen pine tree wreathed in fine glass globes, frozen flowers, and, just visible in the center, a reaching frozen hand

A Dozen NPC Names

  1. Adge the Strange
  2. Badgerwell Bumply
  3. Feth the Topier
  4. Lamprey Long Loomrin
  5. Longbottom Toadflax
  6. Magenta Peverill
  7. Missus Madapple
  8. Mudge Mudgerington
  9. Muncton Pigtrott
  10. Robin Rotcrop
  11. Seth Turpitude
  12. Unctly

 

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