Your Whispering Homunculus“She’s back again master.”

      “Who.”

      “That fat woman with the extra mouth. I bet she likes pies”

      “Honestly, grotlette, I wish you wouldn’t judge people on so simple a basis. She’s probably an accomplished harpsichord player or something.”

      “Shall I bring her in?”

      “Yes, but don’t leave us alone, she might try and eat me.”

 

As a busy GM, you have enough on your plate writing or preparing adventures for your next gaming session. Here at YWH, as you know, we like to share your burden. For this session, we have a few one shot or single-notable-fact NPCs to spice up your adventures. Perhaps, the PCs meet them on their journey between adventures. Maybe, they are important NPCs in need of a little extra tweak to get attention. Or maybe, the PCs ask someone unexpected for information, and you need an immediate fact to make the NPC noteworthy.

Why are the NPCs this way? Well, that’s entirely down to you to decide—or not, as you wish. Whatever the occasion, the homunculus always tries its best to please.

  1. Is bald but has painted black hair on their head
  2. Strongly smells of cloves, honey, and boiled lampreys
  3. Deliberately belches very often, often to musical effect
  4. Has a birthmark on their face in the shape of a raven
  5. Has a birthmark on their face in the shape of an octopus
  6. Has a birthmark on their neck in the shape of a badger
  7. Smells excessively of bleach and boiled sugar and camel fat
  8. Is bowlegged
  9. Is constantly surrounded by clouds of flies
  10. Smells feral
  11. Has pigtails ending in mummified rats
  12. Has extremely disagreeable breath
  13. Hums to themselves
  14. Occasionally breaks into little dances to imaginary music
  15. Shuffles instead of walking
  16. Fakes a limp but often forgets which leg it is
  17. Constantly chews whelks
  18. Has a pet slug
  19. Touches people they meet, excessively
  20. Never wears shoes
  21. Is markedly pale and sickly looking
  22. Always seems to have a cold
  23. Carries a dog-lead for a dog that is never seen
  24. Teeth stick out like a rodent
  25. Frets about their hair
  26. Chews a piece of wood constantly
  27. Keeps shooing away an imaginary cat
  28. Complains too often about the price of beef
  29. Has lots and lots of pig tattoos
  30. Claims to have been raised eleven times, the last one only partially successfully
  31. Has a very obvious tattoo depicting a three-headed, goat-faced halfling wearing a kilt and riding a roper into a volcano
  32. Wears a mask depicting their own face
  33. Has a dozen pet ferrets wandering about their clothing at any given time
  34. Frets about this year’s harvest and how it could be wiped out by stampeding catoblepas
  35. Hears imaginary storms coming and takes cover under staircases in abject terror
  36. Calls out to an imaginary hunting hawk
  37. Is always trying to round up imaginary chickens
  38. Collects nail-clippings to include in their huge masterwork depiction of Saint Tenturill being martyred in the Machine of Terrible Flensing Woe made entirely from nail clippings
  39. Is tailed by sly ferrets
  40. Plays an imaginary harpsichord
  41. Has the same black hen following them all the time, even in the middle of the night
  42. Is dressed as a scarecrow
  43. Hauls lobster pots around without reason
  44. Sings naughtily altered hymns
  45. Admires an obscure thing about one PC, obsessively
  46. Is almost always seen flying a kite shaped like a gnome
  47. Has a megaphone dangling from their belt
  48. Obsessively makes dolls out of fungi
  49. Is expecting their ludicrously wealthy uncle Sobbly any minute
  50. Hates living here

TO BE CONTINUED…!

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