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Memoirs of a Lich: Drama

Memoirs of a Lich: Drama

Photo by lisaleo

Dear Osvaud,

This is Osvaud. We have a flair for the theatrical. We’ve even been (fairly) accused of overdoing it on occasion. For example, if someone was to discover and read this diary, I wouldn’t stop it from happening. Where’s the fun in that? Heck, I would probably patiently watch, observing them through divinations or hanging out somewhere close by invisibly. That way, I can wait for them to read this very sentence and suddenly appear to murder them for maximum dramatic effect.

Which brings us to today’s topic: drama.

Not everyone has the will to stare eternity in the face. The liches who can’t learn to stop taking everything so seriously are always the first to end up spell-less floating skulls. Talk about embarrassing fates worse than death. Even looking past the fact that you’re decapitated and still fear vorpal weapons, those poor dumb louts are idler than a narcoleptic vampire. I’ve heard of a lot of supposedly immortal wannabes getting outlived by tree-hugging elves because they let ennui drag them down.

By being dramatic I think we do a good job of keeping unlife lively. It adds an extra layer of complexity to any otherwise unentertaining situation. However, that means paying close attention to the following elements.

Take risks. Don’t be a writer and director of life; instead, aim for being an improvisational actor. If you try to control every detail you’ll get disappointed. You are powerful enough to pull it off, but you won’t ever be surprised if you micromanage the variables. That means things won’t always go your way. Suck it up and deal.

Timing is everything. There is nothing worse than when someone ruins a good joke by rushing the punchline. That’s why you don’t just show up at the first room of your dungeon to kill invaders. It is so much more satisfying if they heroically overcome a lot of increasingly difficult challenges before you murder them.

You need to pay close attention to your personal appearance and mannerisms. I know that since we are a fear-exuding skeleton with glowing red eyes it is tempting to slack off on this count. Don’t. Think about it as escapism by getting lost in a role. Have fun with it! You can really play up the dark wizard angle, like black robes, darkness spells, evil cackling, and so on. By giving the audience (your victims) the stereotype they want, it helps them get into character. Alternatively, you can play dress-up to defy assumptions. Wrap yourself in linens and see if you can convince them you are some variant mummy. Find some fresh intestines and masquerade as a mohrg. You can even pretend to be a perfectly ordinary skeleton (animated or otherwise) right up until some lucky guy or gal gets within touch range.

Heck, maybe you use polymorph any object to turn yourself into some seemingly important inanimate object for 20 minutes. Then you hope that you pop back into your normal self when some adventurer is holding you. Sure, it’d be risky and really hard to get the timing right. I mean, you’d need to become something that someone would stare at for at least ten or fifteen minutes.

Like… I dunno… a diary maybe?.

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3 thoughts on “Memoirs of a Lich: Drama”

  1. Thank you for this article; it’s hilariously entertaining and has quite a lot of good ideas for the DM.
    A+ for creativity and substance!

  2. Oh that’s too funny! The book turning into a lich and it smiles at you as you freeze. :) Giggles abound!

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