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In Memoriam: Obituaries for Four Imprudently Optimized Pathfinder PCs

In Memoriam: Obituaries for Four Imprudently Optimized Pathfinder PCs

John Everett Millais - OpheliaLet’s take a moment to remember those brave souls who are no longer with us. They were so full of life when penciled onto their character sheets and brimming with synergistic crunch. Now struck down before their time. Some found themselves in the wrong type of campaign while others just weren’t cut out for the day-to-day tasks of adventuring.

Aldinas Sharpeye, half-elf [Bonus Feat: Skill Focus (Perception); +2 racial bonus to Perception; +2 Wisdom] Diviner 1/Rogue 1, expert trap-finder, succumbed yesterday to the blows from an ogre’s club. He was 31. He is survived by his owl familiar, Plume [+3 to Perception checks in shadows; bonus feat: Alertness]. He saw it coming.

Zap, human Rogue 5 [Major Magic rogue talent (shocking grasp)], shocking sneak-attacker, was electrocuted to death last week by a lightning elemental. He is remembered by his party as jittery, and for that one time he sneak-attacked an evil, metal-armored cleric for 8d6 electrical damage on a touch attack (which he never shut up about). He was 22. He leaves his only possessions, a +1 chain shirt and masterwork thieves’ tools, to the home for adventurers’ orphaned children.

Salman Scaleslayer, gnome [+1 bonus to attack rolls against humanoids with the reptilian subtype] Ranger 5 [+4 bonus against humanoid (reptilian) creatures; Second Favored Enemy (animal)], kobold killer extraordinaire, died to dragon breath. He was 65. He leaves 200 spears of kobold cultist make to the village militia.

Bulgar Bristleback, dwarf [Ironhide feat] Monk (of the Sacred Mountain) 2 [bonus feat: Dodge; +1 natural armor bonus]/ Fighter 1 [bonus feat: Shield Focus]. He perished from multiple magic missiles cast by a wizard with expeditious retreat. He was 70. He will be cremated in the heart of Mt. Ore with his masterwork full plate [+9 armor bonus] and tower shield [+4 shield bonus].

So, tell us about your now-dead characters! How did they die? What did they leave behind? Did some choice in your build lead to your character’s untimely demise? Regale us with your tales in the comments below.

4 thoughts on “In Memoriam: Obituaries for Four Imprudently Optimized Pathfinder PCs”

  1. Sapo Pilfstomper- CE Gullydwarf Fighter 10 (3-3.5 Ed)- Critical and Sundering focused- As an ancestor worshiper, he thought more ancestors = great spiritual power. So he murdered anyone who referred to him in familial terms. Pushed and abandoned into an Auto-resetting Reverse-Gravity pit trap (which slammed him into the ceiling and floor over and over again) by his own party of evil adventurers because he was “Way too scary.” They managed to steal his +2 Adamantine Keen Maiming Scythe though. (This was the Miniatures Handbook “Maiming” btw. When a Crit is confirmed roll a d8, the result is the new Crit Multiplier).

  2. Sally Twoshot, female human, Fighter 17, lots of archery feats. Died because she was too good. The DM cheated to kill her by having a 9th level orc cleric use a gate scroll he “just happened” to be carrying around to gate in a CR 18 Nightcrawler Nightshade to attack her (and ONLY her, it left the rest of the party alone). Yeah, a NINTH LEVEL enemy “just happened” to be carrying around a 13,825 gp* magic scroll! Oh and according to the gate spell you can only control a creature using gate if its Hit Dice are not greater than your caster level, and a standard gate scroll only has a caster level of 17 (the minimum level needed to cast a 9th level spell). So the orc wouldn’t have been able to control the 25 HD Nightcrawler, it would have been just as likely attacked the orcs as her, but I digress…

    * For those unfamiliar with scroll prices, it’s the minimum caster level to cast the spell times the spell’s level times 25, and then any expensive material component(s) cost is added (using gate to gate in and control a creature needs 10,000 gp in components. Here’s my formula showing the cost calculation:

    17 (caster level) x 9 (spell’s level) x 25 = 3,825; then +10,000 in material components = 13,825.

  3. The DM, Sarah, is a notorious cheater in our area. She as a reputation and most people won’t game with her, after gaming with her for one campaign I can see why. If you’re ever in New York don’t play D&D with a DM if her name is Sarah.

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