Master Pett’s Your Whispering Homunculus presents only the finest in British gaming. Indeed, you are not likely to find a more comprehensive assortment of miscellany anywhere.

(So much more than just another bloke in a dress.)

[previously]

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“Flotsam, jetsam. Do you know their true names, underslug?”

“You, lord and master are the brains.”

“Indeed I am, and don’t ever forget it. Don’t think I don’t know that you’ve been fiddling with my spellbooks, the spell magic jar in fact. Do not consider it leastlet.”

“Never master, I prostrate myself at your bare toes and rub my worthless nostrils upon them.”

“Flotsam, vileness, is floating wreckage, and jetsam is goods thrown overboard to lighten a ship. It raises an interesting point about treasure.”

“Treasure, your pointed-hattedness?”

“Yes, treasure. I sit in my study surrounded by a vast array of outré objects, yet almost all are of no value. In describing my chamber, slimeness, would we ignore these things—are adventurers only interested in treasure, or do the decorations maketh the chamber?”

Not everything in the dungeon can be converted into gold, silver, and copper. Throwing in the odd curiosity can help make a place seem more real, and as a consequence, more intriguing. A demented bugbear who has a chamber of bloody axes is one thing; a demented bugbear who has a chamber of hollowed out human hands and thousands of sewing needles is quite another…

Here, then, is a collection of pointless or strange objects to pique a PC’s interest. They may be simply window dressing for your treasure troves, or they may be more. Perhaps that bent needle is a clue to a treasure trove hidden in the chamber for centuries and unopened even by its present occupier, whose clumsy attempts to pick the lock belie its amazing construction. What weird objects might lie within?

1. Bent hatpin, 6 in. long
2. Giant wig made of wolverine pelts
3. Hat of preserved swan heads
4. Dead stoat in a cage
5. Finger bone labeled “the Finger of Saint Rof”
6. Goblin writing covered in blood
7. Graffiti describing a 12-headed horror that lurks nearby
8. Harpsichord riddled with woodworm
9. Wizard’s hat with the word wizamo sewn into it
10. Stuffed cockatrice
11. Barrel with knives thrust into its sides
12. Spiked club with so many nails hammered through it that it is useless as a weapon
13. Titan’s helm used as a nest by hundreds of mice
14. Lice-covered wolverine pelt
15. Hourglass without sand in it
16. Trio of life-sized brass cockerels
17. Giant’s belt with a buckle made from a cartwheel
18. Brazier filled with moss
19. Perfectly spherical stone, 1 ft. across
20. Sack of carved wooden children’s farmyard animals
21. Longsword bent into a knot
22. Jar of pickled raven heads
23. Troll-tusk tankard
24. Section of giant-sized meat hooks
25. Displayed suit of full plate armor rusted completely
26. Display case of mounted stirge feathers
27. Small collection of glove puppet mites complete with gaudy costumes
28. Bottle filled with green slime labeled “danger, bottle contains green slime”
29. Pile of 16 rusted sledge hammer heads
30. Amphora filled with dried grass and leaves
31. Huge, rusted, sprung mousetrap holding a dead dire mouse
32. Fake leather snake
33. Wooden sign saying “danger, do not enter” lying on the floor
34. Bell jar filled with troglodyte eyes
35. An elaborate brass bound door with horrendously deep scratches on one side
36. The book Know Your Darkmantles
37. Collection of 12 decreasingly sized wagon wheels in a pile
38. Fake red bushy beard for a large humanoid
39. Hollowed mammoth foot holder with eight gnarled, small-sized walking sticks with bat handles
40. Selection of red hats
41. Bucket of fake theatrical snow made of cotton
42. Rhino-head mask
43. Leather purse filled with rotten teeth
44. Six empty beehives
45. Corked bottle containing 100-year-old water
46. Windmill sail
47. Life-sized carved wooden aboleth
48. Barrel of acorns
49. Rhemoraz-tooth necklace
50. Barrel of melted wax
51. Puppet bugbear
52. Foldable 10-ft. pole
53. Jar of pickled kobold hands
54. Metal breastplate with an enormous bite taken out of it
55. Scattered set of rusty thieves’ tools with blood stains
56. Coracle sized for a tiny passenger
57. Completely flat metal snuff box with an ape motif
58. 20 mirror frames without mirror glass
59. A 6-ft.-high decorated urn depicting flocking stirges
60. Selection of small rusty kitchen utensils with a thistle-headed crest
61. Anchor designed like an enraged kraken
62. Large gorgon jug
63. Set of brass poultry chess pieces
64. A drawer-less cabinet
65. Bucket of enormous rusty keys
66. Collection of toy clay gnolls
67. Set of fake wooden teeth
68. Cake mold in the shape of a starfish
69. A stuffed sloth
70. Pile of spellbook covers without pages
71. Model galley made of chicken bones
72. Broken cider press
73. Set of chimney cleaning brushes labeled with names
74. The ashes of Imply Smithy of Fen on the Fen, in a simple labeled pot
75. Fisherman’s net with a gigantic hole in it
76. Trio of choker-hand candlesticks
77. Polished cloak stand with griffon-head hooks
78. Sack of blunted meat cleavers
79. Belt of kitten tails
80. An enormous gnawed bone with huge teeth marks in it
81. Sign saying “beware pit”
82. Jar of crimson ink
83. A knitted octopus
84. Set of fake wooden theatrical maces, axes, and morning stars
85. Ruler with an unfathomable, seemingly random measuring system
86. A double-ended lance
87. Carved yew ewe with a devil face
88. Great helm with 11 curved horns
89. Completely flat, dead mummified rust monster
90. Selection of stirge proboscis quills
91. Mattock head attached to an 18-ft.-long handle
92. Tossing caber
93. A dozen richly decorated javelin shafts
94. High leather boot with a rotting foot still in it
95. Penny whistle without holes
96. Stylized roper candelabrum
97. Mirror designed like a gaping whale
98. Fake wooden shark fin
99. Half-eaten disguise kit
100. Single enormous right boot