“She’s back again master.”

      “Who.”

      “That fat woman with the extra mouth. I bet she likes pies”

      “Honestly, grotlette, I wish you wouldn’t judge people on so simple a basis. She’s probably an accomplished harpsichord player or something.”

      “Shall I bring her in?”

      “Yes, but don’t leave us alone, she might try and eat me.”

As a busy GM, you have enough on your plate writing or preparing adventures for your next gaming session. Here at YWH, as you know, we like to share your burden. For this session, we have a few one shot or single-notable-fact NPCs to spice up your adventures. Perhaps, the PCs meet them on their journey between adventures. Maybe, they are important NPCs in need of a little extra tweak to get attention. Or maybe, the PCs ask someone unexpected for information, and you need an immediate fact to make the NPC noteworthy.

Why are the NPCs this way? Well, that’s entirely down to you to decide—or not, as you wish. Whatever the occasion, the homunculus always tries its best to please.

1. Is bald but has painted black hair on their head
2. Strongly smells of cloves, honey, and boiled lampreys
3. Deliberately belches very often, often to musical effect
4. Has a birthmark on their face in the shape of a raven
5. Has a birthmark on their face in the shape of an octopus
6. Has a birthmark on their neck in the shape of a badger
7. Smells excessively of bleach and boiled sugar and camel fat
8. Is bowlegged
9. Is constantly surrounded by clouds of flies
10. Smells feral
11. Has pigtails ending in mummified rats
12. Has extremely disagreeable breath
13. Hums to themselves
14. Occasionally breaks into little dances to imaginary music
15. Shuffles instead of walking
16. Fakes a limp but often forgets which leg it is
17. Constantly chews whelks
18. Has a pet slug
19. Touches people they meet, excessively
20. Never wears shoes
21. Is markedly pale and sickly looking
22. Always seems to have a cold
23. Carries a dog-lead for a dog that is never seen
24. Teeth stick out like a rodent
25. Frets about their hair
26. Chews a piece of wood constantly
27. Keeps shooing away an imaginary cat
28. Complains too often about the price of beef
29. Has lots and lots of pig tattoos
30. Claims to have been raised eleven times, the last one only partially successfully
31. Has a very obvious tattoo depicting a three-headed, goat-faced halfling wearing a kilt and riding a roper into a volcano
32. Wears a mask depicting their own face
33. Has a dozen pet ferrets wandering about their clothing at any given time
34. Frets about this year’s harvest and how it could be wiped out by stampeding catoblepas
35. Hears imaginary storms coming and takes cover under staircases in abject terror
36. Calls out to an imaginary hunting hawk
37. Is always trying to round up imaginary chickens
38. Collects nail-clippings to include in their huge masterwork depiction of Saint Tenturill being martyred in the Machine of Terrible Flensing Woe made entirely from nail clippings
39. Is tailed by sly ferrets
40. Plays an imaginary harpsichord
41. Has the same black hen following them all the time, even in the middle of the night
42. Is dressed as a scarecrow
43. Hauls lobster pots around without reason
44. Sings naughtily altered hymns
45. Admires an obscure thing about one PC, obsessively
46. Is almost always seen flying a kite shaped like a gnome
47. Has a megaphone dangling from their belt
48. Obsessively makes dolls out of fungi
49. Is expecting their ludicrously wealthy uncle Sobbly any minute
50. Hates living here

TO BE CONTINUED…!

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