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More bargains than you bargained for!

As in the previous installment of The Amber Bazaar, these items have a common theme: stabbing you in the back. Their powers come at a price, raising the stakes at the table and putting some wonder back into wondrous items.

Bloodfeeder’s Raiment

Wondrous armor (leather), legendary

Dreamt up by the vilest of bog hags and made from the patched-together hides of alligators, bullfrogs, gar, and countless swamp creatures, this slick black suit of +2 leather armor drips with fetid sludge and provides its wearer a 30 ft. swim speed. The inside of the armor is lined with small suckers that pulse hungrily for blood and are only satisfied when it is donned. Upon doing so, the suckers feast on the wearer, reducing their Constitution by 2 for as long as it is worn. Removing the armor requires the assistance of two others to rip the wearer free, dealing 4d4 damage to the wearer and leaving hideous welts and scars across their body.

Canorous Voicecage

Wondrous item, legendary (requires attunement)

Enchanted as a plaything for some long-dead desert prince, this simple copper birdcage can be easily hung from any hook. When attuned to a user, the Canorous Voicecage is inhabited by a spirit in the shape of an ethereal golden songbird that constantly whistles melodiously and projects light as a candle. As a bonus action three times a day, the Voicecage can confer a d6 Bardic Inspiration die to a person who can hear it. The user of the Voicecage is totally unable to speak as long as they are attuned; it is their voice that sits in the copper cage. If they abandon the Voicecage they must succeed a DC 15 Charisma check to regain their voice; if they fail, they may attempt this check again every day until they succeed.

Cap of Unrelenting Mundanity

Wondrous item (head), legendary (requires attunement)

This gray wool cap defies description simply because of how plain it is and how boring it makes its wearer. Even to acknowledge it as an item of value requires a DC 20 Perception check. Anyone who attempts to telepathically communicate with, possess, scry on, charm, or otherwise pry into the mind of the wearer is at disadvantage to do so (or the wearer is at advantage, whatever makes more sense). The wearer also gains +10 on Charisma checks to blend into crowds and to look unassuming. On all other Charisma checks and saves, the wearer is both at disadvantage and suffers a −5 penalty as they are unable to convince others that their problems, needs, or time are of any consequence. The Cap is so jaw-droppingly dull that it requires a DC 20 Perception check to remember that you are wearing it, a crucial step toward removing it.

Centuryglass

Wondrous item, legendary (requires attunement)

There are only twelve Centuryglasses ever made in all of time: given their awesome power, twelve may be too many. This hourglass is a foot tall, made of ebony carved in the likeness of the World Serpent and a comet. In lieu of sand, its polished glass is filled with tiny gems of various colors and planar origins. When turned upside-down and its lengthy command word spoken, it casts time stop until it’s turned right-side up. For each round that time is stopped, the user is aged 10 years if they’re human (or the equivalent amount for non-human races’ lifespans). The aging appears to happen instantaneously to the unfrozen, and only a wish can reverse this aging. For a creature that does not naturally age, the Centuryglass has no effect. If the Centuryglass is broken while time is stopped, it is permanently stopped for the user.

Pocket Pleasure Pavilion

Wondrous item, legendary (requires attunement)

What first appears to be a pink silk handkerchief embroidered with an almost translucent silver thread, at the whisper of the command word, unfurls into a palatial fuchsia canvas pavilion. It is returned by the same word. The only means of entrance is the main flap, tied closed with tasseled cords that keep sweet smells and soft laughter inside. Beyond is a pocket dimension with a size and shape unknown as all scrying within is prevented and anyone who exits has no memory of what transpired inside. When one enters the Pocket Pleasure Pavilion, they gain the benefits of a long rest in the time of a short rest and are also provided the equivalent of food and water for one night. However, each time one enters, they must make a DC 25 Wisdom check. If they fail, it takes the user an extra 4 hours before they exit the Pavilion. For each additional 5 points they fail the check by, the amount of time they are gone doubles (to 8 hours, then 16, and so on). If one tries to enter the tent through any means other than the main flap, they will find an empty canvas structure. Unfortunately for the more salacious bystanders, what happens in the Pocket Pleasure Pavilion stays in the Pocket Pleasure Pavilion.

Temerario’s Boots

Wondrous item (feet), legendary (requires attunement)

There have been many Temerarios, but there have only ever been one pair of Boots, passed from acrobat to acrobat, who then becomes Temerario and gains the proclivities of that daredevil’s name. Made of tattered red leather and silk, these belled acrobat’s shoes confer the benefits of both slippers of spider climbing and boots of striding and springing, and the user’s speed increases by 10 ft. Whenever the wearer is presented with a physical obstacle, they must attempt to take the most dangerous path possible. For example, if they must cross a sturdy bridge over a rushing river, the wearer would be compelled to attempt to run upside-down under the bridge and jump to the other side halfway across, possibly blindfolded. Any attempt to remove the Boots by anyone other than the wearer sparks a dramatic chase.

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